Slightly miffed

I went for my booking in appointment today. I'm 10 weeks 2 days according to my dates and the midwife didn't really bother about a due date.

Lots of writing in the green notes again and lots of sticky labels. Lots of silly questions about family history and if I'd had any bizarre diseases or blood disorders.

Bad points:

Still no scan date

Didn't get to hear heartbeat

Can't give birth at Chorley unless the consultant says so due to forceps delivery last time, so will have to have a referral appointment at Preston, personally don't think I can be bothered with the hassle of the appointment so might just accept the situation and ask for a tour of the unit as I can't remember much from last time.

All the above has left me feeling rather confused and upset, the first time I've cried in a long while anyway. Maybe it was the emotional shock of leaving little man with a friend for the first time almost ever, maybe the shock of being pregnant has hit me suddenly. Maybe it's hormones!

Will start focusing on upcoming birthday next week and organising lunch out.

Secrets

I've been keeping a secret, not very well because I've probably told at least 10 people by now! It's been very hard but I can't wait any longer and the lovely people who read my blog are now to be told "I'm Pregnant!" Yes really. Personally I don't think it has sunk in yet.

Oh yes the sickness, nausea, burping, bloating and extreme exhaustion have all brought me down to earth with a bump. Looking after a terror tot going through a naughty phase is and has been overwhelmingly awful, thank goodness we've done potty training before the strops and tantrums began, these have now given way to just sheer naughty behaviour!

Little man has entered the next stage of intellect, Why? why? why? he asks constantly and after most requests to perform actions or after each explaination. If you are wondering when it will come it seems to be proceeded by "what's that?" and later "what's that noise?" He knows about our baby who is being called baby pip for now and has asked on several occassions when it be coming. After telling him after Father Christmas has been (January) he now seems to think Father Christmas brings babies and that he will be going to live with Grandma and Grandad when mummy goes to hospital. We've corrected him of course!!

Fears of miscarriage are still floating around, I am yet to have my 12 week scan but I feel confident that all is well and if not then it obviously wasn't meant to be. Also slight worries over the birth bit & whether the labour will shorter than last time. However I am really to consumed with feeling awful to think much into it all at the moment.

I ask if you know me in real life - away from the blogging world to keep the secret safe and to yourself until I have had my scan, just in case there is a problem.

Where it all began....

I was looking back to when DH and I discovered we were pregnant...

It was March 2007 and DH and I were very busy, our wedding was planned for the next month and we still hadn't sorted the evening entertainment, the flowers and the honeymoon. We were also organising dress and suit fittings and meetings with the photographer and hotel to name a few others. We'd booked the wedding in July 2006 but had left a few things until the last minute!

We were also helping with our local scout and guide variety show "Chorley Capers". DH was lighting technician and I was operating a follow spot (spot light) for the first time ever with no prior training. It was a hectic week which involved mad dashes down the M6 & M61 after work, a quick tea and a dash to the theatre for 6pm every night. I loved it - I was absolutely exhausted but enjoying everything so much. It was during this show week that I discovered I was going to have a baby.

The weekend before the show started, was spent setting up, so DH & I were there all day helping put up lights, connect speakers, paint scenery and do any other odd jobs around the place. The place had been shut up for a while and the theater smelt horrible. Behind the stage was damp and there were numerous rat traps around. The smell knocked me back the first time I went back there, I was surprised as after a while I needed to run outside to get fresh air. I couldn't remember ever feeling that bad just from smelling a bad smell! I also felt queasy but put that down to PMS as my period was due on Monday.

Monday came and we attended the theatre to watch the show for the first time in rehearsal. We were busy writing down cue's and notes as to the actors positions on the stage when they would need spotlighting. I also practised altering the size of my spot and moving it slowing and gently. Even more difficult was keeping it still. At the end of the night I mentioned the lack of period to DH and he said not to worry it was only 1 day and would probably start the next day.

Tuesday came and by the evening, no period. I was worried, DH again rather "you've got your dates wrong" unconcerned.

Nothing on Wednesday either - by now each day was dragging and I couldn't concentrate at work. It was all I could think about. I went on numerous websites and got nowhere.

Thursday was horrendous, started looking back through my diary and remembered the night my friends had come to stay about 2 weeks ago...hmm....night out in town, a few glasses of wine, a night of passion with DH and oh yes we didn't use any contraception. Period now 4 days late. HHHMMMMM, but I was on my period when we did the deed - you can't get pregnant then surely??

Well after mumbling some feeble excuse about a headache I left work early, rang DH and ordered him to go to Tesco and get a pregnancy test. He went and got 2! I ran in the house and grabbed it off the stairs and went straight to the bathroom.

It was positive, the result came up in seconds. There was a big silent pause as I stood there not really knowing what to think/say/do. I was interrupted by DH coming upstairs. Once I told him I cried and cried. I don't know why really. I asked the stupid question "What are we going to do?" to which DH said have a baby!!

I rang a friend and told her, still a bit emotional. She told me to go to the doctors and everything would go from there.

One month later we were married on a beautiful sunny day in April and it was fantastic. I felt queasy at times but managed to get through the day and actually really enjoyed it. We went on honeymoon to France and stayed in a small cottage and self catered - not very flash but a good job as all I could eat was toast!

I had my 12 week scan and booking in appointment when we got back from honeymoon and we were all set for the due date which was only one day different to my calculations. We told people now and started to get used to the idea of being pregnant. I had queasy ness until 16 weeks and was so tired I constantly late for work and falling asleep after my tea. Then it was great and after the 20 week scan when we found out little bean was a boy, I finally got excited and we started to buy things for him and get a room ready.

The rest of the pregnancy went smoothly, I finished work at 37 weeks and little man was born exactly on month later.

I'll write my brith story on a new post.

Baby Envy

For a while "to be or not to be" has been on my mind. Today I had just about convinced myself I was pregnant and was going to have a baby in January. My period wasn't even late - it was due today. Writing this now makes me sound very silly and embarrassed as true to form my period arrived late this afternoon bang on day 28 of my cycle.

Yes I am one of the lucky people who seems to have a regular 28 day cycle every month and I must not moan. I have the ability to pretty much predict the exact day it will happen and it usually does. Back in 2007 I had worked out that my period would start on our Wedding Day - big no no. I remember saying to my hubby "I will find a way to make sure I'm not having a period on our Wedding day!" - I intended to get the pill from the doctors and skip a period. Instead I got pregnant 2 months prior to the Wedding - Ooops - but it did solve the period problem!!

I can't help feeling a bit down about not being pregnant also at the same time pleased that I get little man to myself for a while longer and I was very scared of how I would cope with a baby and a 25 month old toddler. The only thing I had decided is that a double pushchair was NOT an option and I would consult my experienced baby wearing friend to help choose slings for my newborn so my lovely little man could still go in his pram/pushchair. (Ok, perhaps I got a bit too carried away with the possible baby thing!) ((just noticed the pun on words he he)). Thinking about babies is making me very broody - argh flipping hormones!!!

To be or not to be...

That is the question for today and in about 2 1/2 weeks we will discover the answer. Thinking back to recent events it could be quite likely "to be" and next January could be very interesting!

Still feeling rubbish and tired all the time. Sore throat, headache and generally lethargic. Walking for 2 hours this afternoon has made it worse. Little man wouldn't go to sleep which was unusual and only fell asleep at 3pm which is not good for bedtime. However I do not wake sleeping babies unless it is after 5pm so he can sleep. I also need the space. I am wondering if I have hayfever, there's pollen all over my car and we walk through the park most days so it's a good bet! Will now search the cupboards for any left over pills from 2 years ago.

Mum is coming tomorrow but doing the usual 10-3 shift which is very annoying. Can't she come 9-5 instead?! Think we will go to the park before she comes. She doesn't ever seem to realise that I get depressed sometimes and thinks I should always be happy as I have a wonderful little boy to play with all day everyday. I have to point out that as well as playing we have temper tantrums, moments of destruction, great upset when the toy train becomes de-railed and a fasinaction with Bob the Builder, diggers, trucks and other machines (not cars and all refferred to as "didi") and not forgetting trains or "choo choos" as they are called. This is why I love him so much.

Little man said "look" today and has been babbling away to himself for long periods of time. I will have to add look to his word list which I am trying to keep.

Trying to decide what culinary delight to whip up for tonights tea and need to bake hubby a gluten free fruit cake at some point. I am however very tempted to go to bed now but you can guarantee that little man will wake up the minute I do.

Meanwhile I am off to see if a cup of tea from my leaky kettle will improve things at all?! Yes my kettle is leaking and it's most annoyingly not under guarantee anymore (only had it 2 years).